do you serve pigs?

Customer : Waiter, do you serve pigs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

Family Album

Ticket please!

"In a train, ticket checker to a passenger: Ticket please!

Passenger: I don't have.

TT: Where do you want to go?

Passenger: Lord Ram's birth place, Ayodhya!

TT: Come, lets go!

Passenger: Where?

TT: Lord Krishna'a birth place, Jail"

Burning the Candle at both the ends....

Pathan and the bus conductor

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk like Pathan got in. Six feet four, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the conductor and said, "Pathan doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Conductor didn't argue with Pathan, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened, Pathan got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next..

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Pathan was taking advantage of poor conductor. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So, on the next Monday, when Pathan once again got on the bus and said, "Pathan doesn't pay!"

The Conductor stood up, glared back at Pathan, and screamed, "And why not?"

With a surprised look on his face, Pathan replied,

"Pathan has a bus pass."

"Kya tere baap kaa road hai?"

Whenever i post a joke on the blog, i get comments asking whether this really happened...
I would like to believe that the following story actually happened.

- An apocryphal story involving Russi Mody. (Ex MD Tata Steel, Jamshedpur)

It is said that once Russi Mody was on an official trip to (the then) Bombay. Even though it was a Sunday morning, Russi had to visit Bombay House, the Corporate Head Quarters of the Tata Group. Russi was driving a Mercedes himself as it was a Sunday and there was very little traffic and also it was the chauffeur's day off. Russi was wearing simple shorts and a T shirt.

Knowing that he would take just a few minutes to finish his work in Bombay House and that it was a non-working day in the business district with very low traffic, he decided to take liberties to park his Merc in an other-wise no parking zone. A conscientious traffic cop noticed all this and he immediately rushed to Russi who had started sauntering towards the Bombay House entrance.

In a gruff voice the Pandu Havaldar asked Russi. "Kyun bhidu, baap kaa sadak samajh kay rakha hai kya?"

Russi very non-chalantly replied: "Haan kuchh aisa hi hai. Aapko English padhna aata hai kya?"

Then he gently held the Pandu's arm and walked him to the kerbside and pointed to the metal signage of the road. He asked the cop "Kya Likha Hai?"

The cop said "Sir Homi Mody Street". A mischievously smiling Russi discloses"Woh Mera Baap Tha".

Russi was allowed to leave his car parked in the "No Parking" Zone that Sunday morning.

Boss Kidnapped

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in loud discussions during office time.....
Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"
They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire.
We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."

One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?

"About 1 litre."

Confidence

A trainee in a big multinational company dialed CEO by mistake and said,
"Hey, send a hot coffee in accounts Dept in 2 min"
CEO shouted: Do you know with whom u are talking?
Trainee: NO
CEO: I am CEO of the Company.
Trainee in the same tone: Do you know with whom you are talking?
CEO: No
Trainee said: Thank God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and disconnected the phone

Solution for unhappy employees

Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile.

A representative from India began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named. When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath.' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.'

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then.'

The Indian representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech. 'And they say Kashmir belongs to them..................................................

Get well soon!!!

DEATHS THAT MADE EVEN TOP DOCTORS WONDER...

This case happened in a hospital's Intensive care wardwhere Patients always died in the same bed and on all Sunday morning at 11a.m,regardless of their medical condition.This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something todo with the supernatural.No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.So a world-wide expert team was constituted a! nd they decided to go downto the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m. all doctors andnurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselveswhat the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding woodencrosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil........

Just when the! clock struck 11...and then......


Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward andUnplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner!!!!!!!!!!

Smoking

Letter written in 1909.....

For sure you will go lot-pot on reading this letter written by Mr. Sen to the Indian railways in 1909. This is an unique flavor of Indian english. I read that it was this letter, which led to the introduction of toilets in railway coaches in trains of the Indian Railways.

Dear Sir,

I am arrive by passenger train at Ahmedpore station, and my belly is too much swelling with jack fruit. I am therefore went to privy, Just as I doing the nuisance, that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with lotah in one hand and dhotie in the next hand. I am fall over and expose my shockings to man, females, woman on platform. I am get leaved at Ahmedpore station.

This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung, that dam guard no wait train 5 minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake, otherwise I am making big report to papers.

Yours faithful servant

Okhil Ch. Sen

Presence of mind helps.

In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter. The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg. So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only ½ kg of butter". To his surprise, the customer was standing behind him. So the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half!!!!!!".

After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from?" To this the boy said, "I come from Mexico. The place consists of only prostitutes and football players!!!!!" The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Mexico". To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?"
Presence of mind helps, never panic!!!!!!!